Monday, April 25, 2011

Charlie today was Easter Sunday and I got through it, I woke up made breakfast, got everything ready so we could dye eggs outside, yeah we did something different b/c the sun was gracious enough to come out even though we had the occasional sprinkle of rain, did you have something to do with that? I felt like it was something you'd be like jaaa jaaaaa just for you so I sat their and enjoyed it! We hid the eggs the kids found em ran around and enjoyed the time outside in the sun. Then we BBQ'd. I was sad b/c I enjoyed my whole day but I knew the hi-lite of our times together were our BBQ's and we were missing you.... It was starting to dawn on me and just made me really sad and I didn't want to be but it's so hard knowing that you are suppose to be here with us helping us, laughing cracking your sarcasm and annoying your lil brothers sighhhh sighhhhhhhh....
While sitting outside Cely brought my attention to your window in your room, I got this eary feeling not a bad one but one that was like someone was watching you kinda feeling so I had to keep looking up to your window to see maybe if I would see something that I know wasn't really suppose
to be their, I saw nothing but I couldn't shake the feeling. I got a
lil frustrated but that's just me and my mind games :/ I try so hard not
to do it but what can I say I miss my child, my Charlie!
U know I came across this layout I did last year we didn't BBQ on this
day but we had started the fire and were all outside just hanging out
one big grateful family. So this time last year this was us happy full
of laughter and so much joy that we had this day together. We had just overcome a huge hurdle in our lives and now I look at this today and
think what a set up this was for what was to come and is my life now :(
It's all so unfair ......

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.

Every single word of this is TRUE my heart aches with out YOU!!!

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