Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Happy Birthday

Charlie today we are supposed to be Celebrating your 18th Birthday. We were suppose to go get your license on this very day that you got out of school. I know you would've aced it we'd been practicing every chance you got especially those days I had to pick you up from Color Guard practice or if we went to run an errand. Your braking skills were very much improved and you had mastered your turns.. I was so proud of you when you did it perfectly and you were grinning from ear to ear cuz you knew how upset I was every time you hit the gas to make the turn, ahhhh those days were no more!
You were looking forward so much to today and now it's all gone.
I won't get to see the joy beaming from those beautiful eyes of yours and that smirk will not show from that perfectly shaped face of yours.. why is it that it must be this way? Everyday goes on and everything that could've been will never be.. It's not fair and I can't get past my thoughts of the day that I lost you and the lack of breath I feel when I think you...........
May you be at Peace, Beautiful
Your Birthday Card

This is a note that was left in your Inbox and I had to share because
This truly touched my Heart in so many ways because someone other than me will remember you this way..

Hey Charl....
Your old chemistry teacher here....
I need to let you know how I remember you...
I remember you pretty.
I remember you sweet and quiet.
I remember always trying your best.
I remember you polite.
I remember you not afraid to ask questions of me.
I remember you smart.
I remember you unique.
I remember you dependable.
I remember you wearing black.
I remember you sitting outside in the sun with the girls from colorguard.
I remember you doing your chem homework..well- most of the time.
I remember never, ever anything but pleasant and nice to me.
I remember you laughing.
I remember me, telling you, to Pay Attention!
I remember you always to be honest and fair and never making a face or sighing when I asked you to work with a new lab partner.
I remember you funny- and with a unique spin on how things were.

Just know Charl- That I remember you. God's blessings to your family and when I arrive where you are, please say you remember me too.
This truly touched my Heart in so many ways because someone other than me will remember you this way.. I love you so much and miss you more than anyone will ever know Charlie.
I want to leave you with some questions for those who care to answer even if it's Anonymously...
  • My saddest memory is . . .
  • Some of the things that make me happy are . . .
  • How do you deal with anger?
  • What is the dominant emotion in your life right now?
If you can oblige me and answer them in the comments..


  1. My saddest memory is the day I learnt my son was suffering from an uncarable genetical illness.

    Some of the things that make me happy :a bird singing in the morning when I wake up,the wind on my face when I walk in the country,hearing the laughs of my children thoughout the house,jumping in the puddles when it rains.

    How do you deal with anger?It took me one full year to understand that there are things we just have to deal with even if they are unfair,unacceptable.Now I say to myself that if tomorrow my son dies,we had the chance to know and to love him.He had the chance to live,to laugh,to be happy and that's the most important thing.What you had will be forever.It 's a very hard way to walk along,but one day you will be OK and in peace with this.I really hope so.

    What is the dominant emotion in your life right now?Sadness.

  2. My saddest memory was on the days that both my Aunties passed away, one from cancer and the other tragically from horrific burns. :( Very hard to watch and see :(

    Some of the things that make me happy are my 3 daughters, my husband, my family, my friends, the beach, the sunshine, music, watching my girls dancing and singing to all types of music....

    How do I deal with anger? Good question! LOL! I don't really. I bottle it all up and up and up and then explode on the wrong people when it does come out of me. I need to learn how to let it all out properly.

    The most dominate emotion in my life right now would be depression. Another thing I need to learn how to deal with. I bottle way too much up.

    Thinking of you Sweetie and sending you so much love and light.

  3. My saddest memory is, the day I learned that my mentor, my Taekwondo instructor, Mr. Jackson pass away in a car accident.

    Some of the things that make me happy are snuggling with my pets, thunder storms.

    How do you deal with anger? I, personally, usually explode emotionally instantly, which usual results in tears but not because I am sad or hurt, but because I am so angry I cannot keep it inside.

    What is the dominant emotion in your life right now? It is a pretty equal mix of stress and loneliness.

  4. My saddest memory is the moments I took for granted with my sons because I never had a daughter. It was more than sadness. It was legitimate pain, like I was perpetually mourning the loss of a daughter I never had. Most people thought I was being ridiculous. I know it was real.

    Some of the things that make me happy are so small you'd think I was crazy.

    Dealing with anger? Now that I have a Savior, I deal with it a bit differently than I did before. Before I would hold grudges, put up walls, spit out nasty words meant to hurt, cross my arms and have an ugly face. Since knowing Him, I have an helper in the Holy Spirit who calms me and reminds me that vengeance belongs to the Lord and I will be judged as I judge others and that love comes first. I no longer put up walls. I no longer hold grudges. I no longer use swear words to emphasize my narcissistic opinions. I no longer shut people out of my life because they hurt me. I guess I no longer get as hurt or as angry. I have peace. I have a new life. I have joy.

    The most dominant emotion in my life right now is compassion. My heart breaks for anyone who doesn't know Jesus Christ as their Savior. He is alive and real and evident in my life. And if He can take a broken 40 y-o girl like me and transform her so she has joy despite her circumstances, then why wouldn't everyone want the same thing? Life can be good, but most of the time... life is hard. Life with Jesus, however, is better. It's just like that... and I want all the hurting and lost souls to take a chance on Him. Compassionately.